Fear
by NarutoRomantic
Summary: ShikaTema, Shikadai/OC. Nara Shikadai is seriousy considering abandoning life as a shinobi - it's better than the alternative, leading a team of his friends into what he's talked himself into believing is a suicide mission. He's not ready, but he doesn't want to disappoint his father either. Can Shikamaru convince him it's okay to be scared? Please Review!
1. Introduction

"Oi, dumbass." Blue eyes were narrowed in clear condemnation, "An IQ of over 200, and it's taken you _how long_ to figure out how to take this thing off?"

Well, she certainly knew how to kill a mood, didn't she?

As if to add insult to injury, this was the _third time_ they'd found themselves in a similar stalemate. Nara Shikadai had been bested by his girlfriend's bra - really, how women dealt with the blasted contraptions on a daily basis was beyond him - and she was none to impressed by his efforts. He glared at the plain, white lace, as if it were somehow at fault for this mess.

With a sigh, she slipped off his bed, reaching down to retrieve her t-shirt from where it'd fallen in their earlier haste. She didn't bother with her leggings, instead running a finger along the waistline of her lace bikini, flashing him a teasing smile. Clearly still frustrated, and about to be denied relief for the third time in as many weeks, Shikadai groaned and flopped back onto his pillows.

"Troublesome woman," he grumbled, "if you'd just go without a bra, this wouldn't be a problem -,"

Rina scoffed, not even letting him finish that train of thought. "Have you seen the size of my boobs, baka? Yeah, not happening."

Shikadai shifted uncomfortably, aroused to the point where it had become physically painful. After a few seconds of squirming, he'd made up his mind. "I'll be back." He mumbled, slipping off the bed and stuffing his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants, heading off toward the bathroom.

"Have fun with that. I've heard making a grocery list in your head makes it last longer." She teased, but her smile faltered once Shikadai had left the room.

Slowly, she traced a finger along a jagged, white scar which went from the inside of her left knee up to her bikini line. Most shinobi, regardless of gender, bore their scars with some degree of pride. After all, they were a reminder of what they'd done in service of their village. But for Rina, the scars were remnants of part of her life best left forgotten... and bearing it all for Shikadai to see was... _difficult_.

Of course, he'd seen most of them before. This one, in particular, she'd had since she was eight. Growing pains had just made it all the more horrific - which was pretty astounding, since Iruka hadn't been sure she'd survive when he'd found her strewn in that alleyway, kunai still imbedded in the tissue, barely conscious.

Rina could hear the shower turn on next door, followed by the heavy glass door sliding shut. Taking that as her cue, she grabbed her leggings and finished redressing. Normally, she'd stick around for awhile and the two would de-stress together, neither mentioning the earlier mishap... but today, she just couldn't. Sliding his window open, she dropped down onto the soft grass and took off in a run.

Fifteen minutes later, when Shikadai returned to an empty bedroom, he hissed, "Shit. What a drag."

* * *

Shikadai knew that he'd screwed up. He'd had a lot on his mind lately, okay?

Just a few days earlier, Hokage-sama had informed him that he would be leading a team of five (consisting of himself, Boruto, Sarada, Inojin, and Rina) into the Land of Waves to retrieve three war criminals that were being extradited back to Konoha to be prosecuted. He'd been plagued by particularly gruesome nightmares since then, all of which centering around some sort of failure on his part leading to the death of anywhere between one teammate to _all_ of them.

The night before last, he'd had Rina die in his arms _three times_. So yeah, he'd been a little distracted when he'd been exposed to all of that beautiful, creamy white skin, littered with so many scars already - he couldn't bear to think that his inadequacies might add to that legacy of pain.

It was a ridiculous fear, he knew. The life of a shinobi was one of pain and she'd accepted that as soon as she'd donned her forehead protector. He couldn't protect her from everything. She didn't _want_ to be protected.

Nevertheless, seeing it all bared before him, it had only served to exacerbate his nervousness, to the point where he was practically trembling.

Really, no matter how he tried to spin it, he'd never stood a chance against that damned bra.

He'd thought of broaching the subject with his father (not the sexual anxiety, no... that would just be awkward on both ends), but once again found himself faced with a dilemma. His father might provide him with valuable insight, yes, but on the other hand there was that slim chance that he could be utterly disappointed in the fact that Shikadai was doubting himself at all. And the idea of possibly disappointing his father made Shikadai cringe.

At any rate, his mother was definitely out of the equation. His mother hadn't earned the moniker 'the cruelest kunoichi of her time' for nothing. She walked all over his father and about ninety-nine percent of the time, he let her. And the meager one percent where he actually put up a fight, he was always the first to cave. There was no doubt in his mind that his mother would be disappointed, even angered by the fact that Shikadai was considering turning down the mission -

"You can't just turn-down a direct appointment from Hokage-sama! Clearly, he has a lot of faith in you, or he wouldn't have made you the team leader. If you turn this down, you might not get another chance!" Leave it to Sarada, the Hokage's resident cheerleader, to make it sound like Shikadai wanted to commit mutiny.

Shikadai tucked his arms behind his head, leaning up against a tree trunk, "I don't understand why he didn't make _you_ team leader, since you seem to enjoy kissing his ass so much."

Sarada winced, before looking like she wanted to smack him upside the head. "Hokage-sama acts with the village's best interest in mind all the time -,"

One teal eye popped open, "I don't want the job, okay? End of story." With a sigh, he closed his eyes once more, "Troublesome woman."

"Hey!" Teal eyes blew open when Boruto's foot connected with Shikadai's thigh a lot harder than necessary, "Don't fucking snap at Sarada just because you're being a whiny brat that won't take responsibility for -,"

"Taking responsibility? Oh, that's rich, coming from you. Weren't you the one who attempted to _cheat_ their way through the Chunin Exams instead of admitting you weren't ready, just to get your father's attention?" Shikadai bit back, his tone clipped.

Boruto's hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, and it was taking a serious degree of self-restraint to hold himself back from striking Shikadai again. "What the hell crawled up your ass and died, man? You're usually blunt, yeah, but never an outright asshole -,"

"Can't we just get to the training like we'd planned, guys?" Inojin protested weakly, his voice lost in the sea of near-screams being exchanged by the others.

"Maybe it's none of your fucking business! You ever think of _that_ , baka?" Shikadai hissed.

He knew it wasn't fair, taking his frustrations out on his friends. If he'd heard Inojin, he probably would've agreed - there was no reason to continue a pointless argument when they'd come out to train. In fact, he was seriously regretting voicing his concerns at all. The only reason he had was because he'd thought that, out of anyone, his _friends_ might actually be vaguely supportive of him. Or at least understanding. Was that too much to ask for?

"Shikadai," Sarada tried again, slightly calmer this time. "If you turn down the mission _now_ , it will take Hokage-sama _at least_ a week to pull another team together. Delaying the mission that long could give the enemy ample time to flee -,"

Ah, the infamous guilt trip. Apparently, expecting sympathy _was_ too much to ask for.

Boruto nodded, "You're not a coward, Shika. You might be a lazy bum, but you know what you're doing. The old man wouldn't leave us in the hands of anyone but the best." He seemed so completely sure of himself, even Shikadai almost believed him. Almost.

"Sorry I'm late, guys." Rina said, hopping over the chain-link fence that blocked off the training grounds. She was sporting a black eye and a patch of bloody guaze on her right cheek, both of which had _definitely_ not been there the night before. "What did I miss?"

"Just the fact that your boyfriend is a dickless coward," Shikadai's eye twitched, but he didn't respond, "who is trying to avoid a direct order from the Hokage."

Instead of gracing that lovely explanation with a response, Shikadai turned to Rina. "What the hell happened to you?"

From the way her body tensed, it was clear she was reluctant to respond. Instead, she answered his question with one of her own. "Why are you trying to back out of our mission?"

"I asked first."

"Anytime you all would like to actually start _training_ , that would be great." Once again, Inojin was lost in the sea of voices, each gradually increasing in volume.

Blue met teal, and for a moment, the fighting seemed to stop. The gauze pad on her cheek was almost soaked through, and her eye was almost swollen shut... And then she grinned - that beautiful, thousand-watt smile that meant he was in for it. With a flick of her wrist, she pulled out her weapons: two blades, each the length of a forearm, which curved along the length of her arms. Thin, blue lines of chakra slowly wound around the length of the blade.

"How about I fight you for it?" Shikadai's heart sank, his body tensing at the familiar words. "If I win, you lead our team in the mission _and_ give me a cherry lollipop." But this time, she changed things up, "And if I lose... I'll tell you what happened to my face."

* * *

 **A/n:** Okay, so that's the introductory chapter. Basically, I think it would be interesting to examine how Shikadai would feel, being placed into a similar situation as Shikamaru was - a mission with the potential to go horribly wrong, which make him question his decision to be a shinobi.

Be sure to let me know what y'all think! Should I do another chapter? What do you think of aged-up Rina? I hope nobody was too OOC...


	2. The Fear

There was something decidedly _different_ about the way that Rina was fighting him... She dashed forward, swinging her blade faster and faster until the silver buzzed like a mosquito. She blinked out of focus, reappearing directly in front of him and guiding the blade up and over so that it left a stinging slash across his chest. Shikadai winced as a thin line of blood bubbled to the surface. This wasn't some childish game any longer. Rina wasn't messing around - she was playing to win.

The other blade cut across, Shikadai ducking just in time to avoid a nasty chop to the neck. Shikadai scowled - what the hell was her problem? Was she really that upset at the prospect of telling him what had happened to her? There was no way that she was _this_ upset about him not wanting to lead the mission. She, of all people, would have to understand. When the blade swung up again, he caught her wrist and snapped it to the side.

Rina broke his hold and fell back a few steps. Shikadai watched for a moment, debating, before making a series of hand signs and attempting to trap her whilst she was distracted. It didn't work. As the shadow chased after her, she imbedded one of the curved blades into the earth and used it as a stepping block, jumping up and over and tackling Shikadai. She landed in his lap, letting the shadows trace idly along her legs, inadvertently holding her in place.

"That was a low blow." Shikadai whispered - even if he'd technically won, he could feel his body begin to react to her closeness and knew he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. This had to be the most _humiliating_ way to lose a battle -

Rina smiled, shifting almost imperceptibly. But Shikadai certainly felt it. "When have you ever known me to play fair?" She asked, her voice a happy trill.

"Why do you want me to lead this mission so badly?" He countered, voice this side of desperate. "Why can't you just accept that this _isn't_ what I want?"

"Because I know that you can do it. I have the upmost faith in you." She leaned forward, pressing her lips softly against his own. "Do you forfeit?" Her breath washed hotly over his face, and Shikdai felt his heart flutter uncomfortably in his chest.

A sigh, "I suppose." And then, "But we're still going to talk about what happened to your face."

"If thinking that helps you to sleep at night..." She winked.

But Shikadai was no longer in the mood for her teasing, "You owe me that, at the very least. That little love scratch that you gave me is gonna need stitches." He pointed at the still-bleeding wound on his chest with a frown.

"Aww, did I hurt the little baby?" Rina cooed. The shadows had begun to retract, and with her steadily increasing range of motion, she bent down to place a tender kiss to his chest, just a few inches to the left of the wound. "There. Kisses make _everything_ better."

"Get a room!" Leave it to Boruto to absolutely _annihilate_ the moment. But it made Rina laugh, and just seeing that lifted an invisible weight from Shikadai's chest.

The balance of training went relatively smoothly, now that it had been decided that Shikadai would lead their mission. Though he was upset that his friends were not taking his concerns seriously, he found himself more concerned about what had happened to his girlfriend's face. Her black eye was tearing constantly, and was so swollen he could barely see the brilliant blue iris he had come to adore. And her facial wound had completely bled through the gauze pad.

Rina was a known troublemaker - she'd been that way ever since they were children back in the Academy. In some ways, she had been even worse than Boruto. She was always picking fights with children that were bigger and stronger than her, and almost always losing. Once they'd gotten to know each other a little better, Shikadai had been around to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of those horrid encounters... But he couldn't always be there.

"Shikadai!" Rina was waving a hand in front of his face, and he blinked, not realizing that he'd zoned out like that. "Geez, what the hell happened there? You were out of commission for a solid ten minutes." There was a touch of condemnation in her tone... but mostly poorly concealed concern.

"Sorry, I was... thinking about something." He finished weakly.

Boruto clapped his friend on the shoulder, "You can fantasize about Rina's breasts some other time, man. We have to make sure that -,"

Both Sarada and Rina clapped the Hokage's son on the back of the head, "You sound like you're speaking from experience, baka." Sarada growled.

"Hey, at least she's got something worth fantasizing about!" Boruto exclaimed, staring pointedly at Sarada's decidedly flat chest.

The Uchiha heiress flushed, before grumbling a mishmosh of curses beneath her breath. With one swing of the arm, she leveled Boruto - there was a lump forming on the back of his head and steam pouring up from the point of collision. "Asshole!"

"Man, you just don't know when to shut your goddamn mouth, do you, baka?" Shikadai murmured, nudging his friend's motionless body with his toe. "How the hell am I gonna explain this to his mom? What a drag."

"Men are such pigs. C'mon, let's go get some ramen." Rina said, grabbing hold of Sarada's arm and leading her to the gate. "Catch you later, Shikadai!"

Inojin chose this moment to reappear. He'd wandered deeper into the forest for target practice to avoid the confrontation between Shikadai and Rina, and had reemerged now that he deemed it to be safe. "How was -," He stopped mid-sentence, staring down at Boruto's body, "What the hell happened?"

Shikadai sighed, "I don't even know how to begin to answer that question." He looked up at the sky. "How troublesome..."

Between the two of them, they were able to heft Boruto's body onto one of the many benches scattered through the training grounds. It was shielded by a large, vibrant evergreen tree, which provided some much needed shelter from the sweltering sun. Shikadai plopped down at the base of the tree, folding his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. Perhaps it would be best to wait until Boruto regained consciousness before attempting to move him.

It was a nice day. If it weren't for the ravaging emotional storm inside of him, he might actually have found reason to enjoy it. He hadn't realized just how much Rina had been holding back all these years... and while he supposed that that should comfort him, he found that it only served to put him more on edge. How could he have missed such a vital piece of information about the most important person in his life? And if he couldn't even see _that_ , how could he hope to successfully lead a team?

Suddenly, he got to his feet and approached Inojin. The blond boy was drawing idly, getting more ink on himself than on the actual page. Ino insisted that that was how the boy learned but Inojin could see the disappointment in his father's onyx eyes every time that he failed to emulate the beautiful artistry that Sai himself produced. Shikadai, similarly fearful of disappointing his father, suddenly found himself willing to put in the extra effort in preparation for what had become the inevitable.

"Want to train a little bit more?" He asked, surprising them both. "At least until the baka wakes up."

The look of shock on Inojin's face was almost endearing. "Really?" Normally the one that would have to pester his friends to train with him, to have someone else _ask_ it of him was like a dream come true. "Sure! Let's do it!"

* * *

"Why don't you want to tell Shikadai about what happened to your face?" Sarada asked suddenly. It was the first time that she had spoken since they had arrived at Ichiraku's, and it caught Rina by surprise.

The blonde shrugged, before responding with another question, "Why does it upset you when Boruto says stupid shit?" She brought the bowl to her lips, taking a long sip. "I have a feeling that the answers are more similar than you would initially suspect."

"Boruto's opinion doesn't bother me." Sarada was quick to counter. A little _too_ quick.

"Mhmm." Rina nodded, "And that's why you punched him into next week."

"The idiotic dobe deserved it!"

"I completely agree."

"I just... We're the same age, aren't we?" There was a hesitant nod - Rina had never known her actual birthday, so age was a mere speculation for her. But she assumed that they were roughly the same age. Sarada stared down at her flat chest, "Then why are you... And how am I... Ugh, I just... I don't know."

Rina shrugged, "Who knows? But you're body is fine the way it is, just as mine is fine the way it is. One isn't better or worse than the other. It's just... different."

"Yeah, well boys seem to like your kind of different." There was a tad more malice in her tone than Sarada had originally intended.

Rina took her chopsticks and swirled a large mouthful of ramen, before sitting there and staring at it for a moment. She and Sarada were not what one would consider 'friends'. They were kind and courteous to one another, and they worked well when teamed together to handle various assignments, but... They weren't friends. Yet here they were, Sarada laying out her insecurities for Rina's consideration, and Rina offering the helpful advice that only a true friend could.

There was much about her body that she didn't particularly like. The scars... so _many_ scars... they covered her body like tiny whitish-pink snakes, a constant reminder that there were large stretches of time in her childhood where she hadn't had enough to eat. She'd loot through garbage cans, rob food off of stranger's plates in restaurants, even threaten civillians for their groceries. A handful of times, the victims had fought back with varying degrees of success.

"N-Not Shikadai." She said finally, ashamed of the way her voice wavered. "Yeah, he thinks that I have a pretty face, and I have a challenging personality to keep him interested, but... He sees the scars and they turn him off so fast. He can't even... I mean, we haven't -,"

Sarada offered her a sympathetic glance, pushing her glasses up to rest properly on her nose, "I'm sure that Shikadai isn't that superficial."

"If this mess scars, he won't even be able to look at me." She wiped at her good eye with the back of her sleeve. "I'm not the kind of different you should try to emulate, Sarada. If anything, I'm everything you _don't_ want to be."

"Rina-chan," Sarada couldn't think of anything else to say.

She sighed, "Listen," she gestured vaguely to her chest, "this might turn their heads initially, but it isn't what keeps them faithful."

Sarada blushed, "Boruto and I are just friends. Really, really good... friends."

"Right." Rina sniffled, before forcing a devastating smile. "Because every girl punches her best guy friend for checking out another girl's boobs."

Sarada paid for their meal, not wanting to confront the likely fact that Rina had no money. The two walked on in silence toward Sarada's house - there was a silent understanding between them that Sakura would patch up Rina's face, no questions asked. If she went to the hospital it was likely that they would have her file an official report, and Rina had been on the wrong end of too many of those in her short lifetime to feel comfortable with the process.

"Mama, I'm home!" Sarada called, kicking off her shoes in the doorway. "And I brought Rina-chan!"

"Welcome home, Sarada!" Sakura poked her head out of the kitchen. She had her short pink hair pulled up away from her face, and was wearing a pink apron with the Uchiha crest emblazened on the breast. "I've just about finished dinner. Why don't you and your friend -,"

"Actually," the smaller child rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. "We already ate at Ichiraku's." Before her mother could get too upset, however, she grabbed Rina's arm and dragged her over. "But my friend needs medical attention. She got scratched during training -,"

Green eyes widened at the sight of Rina's battered face, "Oh my. Have her sit down at the table while I get my supplies."

As Rina lowered herself into the chair, she continued to stare steadfastly at the floor. "I don't mean to be a burden." She mumbled softly.

"You're no burden at all, sweetie!" Sakura was quick to assure her. "But I want to make sure that we fix that cut up before it becomes infected."

After she'd cleansed the wound with antiseptic, she placed her hand over the cut and a soft, green light washed over her skin. Slowly, the wound began to pull itself together, and after about five minutes it was difficult to tell that there had ever been a wound at all. For the eye, she handed her a small ice pack and instructed her to hold it over the blackened skin for fifteen minutes in an effort to reduce the swelling.

A tear streaked down the teenager's cheek, but nobody mentioned it. Sakura was busy humming to herself, taking away bloodied bandages and returning with fresh ones, inspecting her dirty skin for any other bruises or cuts that should be of concern... Sarada was muching on a piece of bread she'd snuck from the kitchen, studying her mother's every movement in an effort to memorize everything. By the time she'd finished, it was late. Much too late to make the trek back to Iruka's, at least.

"There." Sakura smiled, proud of her progress. "Do you have a place to stay for the night, dear? It's awfully late -,"

Rina cut her off, "I was going to ask Shikamaru-sama if I could stay the night. They have an extra bedroom and -,"

"Are you sure you want to make that much of a trek this late at night?"

Rina nodded hurriedly, "Oh, it isn't that long of a walk. Maybe fifteen minutes or so from here." She smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. "Besides, I've troubled you enough already. I wouldn't want to take advantage."

Sakura shook her head, "Really, you're no bother at all. Sarada's friends are all welcome here." She said sweetly. "And if you ever need a place to come in the future, please don't hesitate." But she wasn't about to force her to stay where she didn't want to, "Now, run along before I absolutely _insist_ you spend the night."

Rina smiled, bright and beautiful, before bowing respectfully. "Thank you again, ma'am!" And then she was off.

* * *

Shikadai had fallen asleep on top of his father's stomach, the book that he was attempting to read dangling from his fingers off the side of the couch. Shikamaru was not in much better shape, the flicker of the television coming in and out of focus in front of him as he tried to pay attention to the eleven o'clock news. In the distance, he could hear Temari finish washing the dishes, the light from the fridge cutting into the darkness of the living room.

Temari had wanted him to talk to Shikadai about his upcoming mission. As it would be the first one he would lead, he would undoubtedly be nervous and looking for some sort of guidance. Shikamaru had insisted that, since Shikadai had yet to come to him and voice any concerns, it would only be awkward if he were to broach the topic with his son. It could even potentially backfire, and make it seem as though he didn't have enough faith in him to lead a successful mission.

Temari had then promptly accused him of not wanting to deal with his emotions, and the rest of the conversation had spiraled downward into a fight that left him sprawled out on the couch, half asleep, with a child heavy and drooling atop him...

God, he _hated_ sleeping on the couch.

There was a solid _thump_ of something hitting the side of the house. Shikamaru was momentarily startled back into consciousness, and Temari poked her head out of the kitchen. "Did you hear something?" She asked. It must've truly concerned her if she actually deigned to speak to him after what had happened.

Shikamaru shrugged, shifting the boy into a more comfortable position. "It's probably just the wind. We're supposed to be getting a really nasty storm..."

She turned her attention to Shikadai, her expression softening almost imperceptibly. "Isn't he a little old to be using you like a human pillow?"

Yes, he was. He was a Chuunin now, a growing young man - much too old to want to snuggle with his father like this. It seemed like an eternity since Shikdai had last burrowed into Shikamaru's arms, and he didn't realize just how much he'd missed it. "He's been having nightmares."

"He told you?" She asked, one eyebrow raised. It seemed highly unlikely that Shikadai would just admit to something of that magnitude.

Shikamaru shook his head, "Call it fatherly intuition."

"It's a shame that that 'intuition' can't help you relate to your son while he's awake."

And with that biting remark, she disappeared back into the kitchen. Shikamaru sighed. He'd thought, for a moment there, that they'd been making some sort of headway. He probably should've known better. Temari would milk this until he was appropriately apologetic (though he hadn't the slightest as to what constituted as the 'perfect' level of punishment for his 'sins') and then everything would be okay once more.

Shikadai moaned in his sleep, starting to struggle in Shikamaru's arms. Gently, Shikamaru pulled the boy in tighter, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. He didn't have much experience when it came to quelling nightmares, but... He just continued to hold him, hoping that his presence alone would make his boy feel safe once more.

A few moments later, Shikadai stilled and fell back into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
